If film violence can be taken as unsuitable for young people – due to the potential desensitisation of their fertile minds to acts of criminality and such – then how on earth will a generation raised on poor A.I. path-finding traverse our planet with any sort of coherence?            

 We need to take action now, before it’s too late and the nation devolves into a state of poor instincts and slow reactions.  Before our loved ones go missing, to be found later, weeks later, trapped in a doorway or against a railing convinced they’ll break through and that there’s no other way around.  And imagine our armed forces, forever in limbo with a faceless enemy.  Soldiers commanded up steps by senior officers stuck perpetually against sandbags and walls. 

There are groups of young people more at risk than others, primarily those born in the mid to late nineties; those who grew up with the Nintendo 64 and titles like Body Harvest and Mission Impossible.  There was a similar epidemic outburst in the mid-nineties; Rise of the Robots had just hit the streets and brawls were breaking out all over the world.  Brawls in which nobody ever landed a punch and if, by freak chance, a hit connected the perpetrator would pause long enough to be taken down like a sack of mouldy spuds.  The only solution is a ban.  Ban poor path-finding and collision detection.  Batten down our vicarious hatches.  Form a committee.  Before it’s too late and our children, our future, are found stuck face up like turtles on our carpets convinced the way downstairs is a poor panel of pixels away.  

Forget archiving videogames, let's remove more from circulation, or atleast have a rehab centre where titles are straightened out and given makeovers.  No more platforming in Turok.  No more clipping in... anything.  Let's patch up our catalogue and heal our wounds (but not the George Lucas way - with salt).

And just imagine how screwed we'll be if anyone ever got hold of Titus' Superman?